Fun had with KoL Classes

[Blackyin]

This is kinda long, folks, but it's all fun and games for me. All classes are here, and I hope I did them justice, but this is my first post so forgive me if it's a little iffy. Tell me what you think!

KoL's Blackyin
woot



seal clubbers

From the northern snows this newbie was born
And her life was riddled with ire and scorn
Then she found from the roots of Crescenzi
The power and zen of a Seal Clubbing Frenzy;
So much like pounding for the sampler
That she discerned the way of a Lemming Trampler.
But she was not satisfied as so simple a trapper
And earned by muscle the name Tern Slapper.
Be wary lest you nay-say her knack
For you may end up with a Thrust-Smack
She wields ignore like an idiot eliminator
Such is the fury of a Puffin Intimidator.
If you having problems, needs some bones to crack,
You can recruit her and her mad Lunge-Smack
And if you're nice and don't bump her
She won't have cause to be an Ermine Thumper.
Still, when she steps into chat, she's quite a brightener
For even the mob avoids this Penguin Frightener.
She gets a kick from what others do lack
As she beats them with a Lunging Thrust-Smack.
It's good to know that if you need anything,
Ask for her and her Super-Advanced Meatsmithing
Just be cautious not to act so much the rasher
Or you'll face the fury of a Malamute Basher.
I wouldn't want to be a political fumbler
And face the pretty face of this Narwhal Pummeler.
So if your in chat don't make yourself fodder
She has learned the Tongue of the Otter
You may think that it's like a bridge and water
But it's only because she has the Hide of the Otter.
And she'll put your name on the KoL blotter,
Attacking with her Claws of the Otter.
All these things made her face flusher
When she learned these things as an Otter Crusher.
Rest assured, though learning, she wasn't a slacker
As evidenced by her skill as a Caribou Smacker.
Meat was but the means behind the game for her
Using the meat for crafting, the art of a Moose Harasser
She had nothing against Santa, this list amender,
Though she had a reputation as a Reindeer Threatener.
Scammers would not work as a hustler
While in the presence of this Ox Wrestler.
Noobs don't offer up any real fuss
She shrugs it off with the Tongue of the Walrus.
But if you offer her adventures, you'll have a plus
And she'll rush in to battle behind the Hide of the Walrus
But she will not stand you if you're rude and cuss
For she'll bring you down with the Claws of the Walrus
Such is the manifold skills of a Dungeoner
For she has the true fire of a Walrus Bludgeoner.
She may be cute be she ain't no bobbysoxer
Though she is the sweetest Whale Boxer
She is muscled and fine without the blubber
For she works her ass off as bona fide Seal Clubber.

Disco Bandit

With a quick footed step upon the dance floor
This newbie moved in through the KoL door
While listening to the radio for the best picks
He learned to keep the beat through Disco Aerobics
And so this young and gamesome lad
Became through practice a Funk Footpad.
His moxious drive was all the vogue
The growing feats of a Rhythm Rogue.
The Knob Goblin Tongs he left all broke,
When he learned the skill of Disco Eye-Poke
And dispenseing with joy the Knob Goblin Cook
For he was forsooth, a very Chill Crook.
He would catch falling meat as a flour sifter
For he was a truly Jiggy Grifter
Smart people know it's good no one lingers
Around this lad and his Nimble Fingers.
So quietly is he a meat to pocket matcher
That even the drums fear this Beat Snatcher
And even asparagas stalks clears the room
When he begins his Disco Dance of Doom.
If you have some meat, he'll be your dwindler
For he is by trade a tough Sample Swindler.
Still, he was not fully prepared to pass the muster
As he worked his way up to a fancy Move Buster
When a nefarious clan wanted to call a porker
On this increasingly busting Jam Horker.
I once hid my notes in a deep, filled pitcher
That did no good against that smooth Groove Filcher
He keeps making it harder to pay the bills
Stealing the meat with his Mad Looting Skillz
For it is very hard indeed to fully clobber
The trend setting feet of a Vibe Robber.
Yet still I find I must tip my cap
In envy of his moxious Disco Nap.
And I had no choice but to stay my hand,
That Barnacle wielding Boogie Brigand
Not sure at all if there was anything to do
Against his Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo.
He has quite the skills, this chat room weaver
Though all the noobs dodge his Crossbow Fever,
For they never have quite the right rejoinder
Against the mad skills of this Flow Purloiner.
He never worries of dropping KoL's station,
He has an Overdeveloped Sense of Self Preservation.
In the end he is much like so many a villager,
Only better he thinks, this Jive Pillager
And in his store at the mall this wheeler and dealer
Conceals the truth that he's a Rhymer and Stealer.
It's well known he'll never take the rap,
For he knows when to use his Disco Power Nap,
The Typical Tavern finally cleared his tab;
They were under threat of a Disco Face Stab,
So we see the well worn shoe will fit,
He is, I tell you now the best Disco Bandit.

Sauceror

Like any true base of a good pesto sauce
We discovered a newbie who was at a loss
Until she was told through a brief explanation
Of the deepest idea of Sauce Contemplation.
So she studied all the long fruitful night
That she might become an Allspice Acolyte.
Her polished saucepan shone like a mirror
And she learned to be a Cilantro Seer.
And though the money in her wallet couldn't be scantier,
Twas not yet any need for this Parsley Enchanter
And the little she had she offered without pause
That she might summon the mighty Stream of Sauce.
All the monsters now ran quickly from the rages
Of this, the most furious of all Sage Sages.
See how this well scented lady couldn't be finer
Of such true power was this Rosemary Diviner.
Every Pencil golum fell like so much kindling
In the face of her most expert Panhandling.
Then served fresh from her ladle still warm
Dispatching Knob Goblins with a furious Saucestorm.
So quickly would she dispense the vast herd
That she became known as the Thyme Wizard.
Yet this wasn't enough, she still had an urge,
One not quenched as a Tarragon Thaumaturge
That so invested the meat of plenty a shafting
She became skilled at Advanced Saucecrafting.
Though the fire of chat when she was pissed
Left her an isolated and lonely Oreganoccultist.
She would soon find that quiet so dear
When so many came hounding for Elemental Saucesphere.
And through careful plying of her ignore list
Baleetion was the power of this Basillusionist.
Came from the deep fire where Mods inspire fear
Arose her newest power of Jalapeno Saucesphere
Which protected from all the meat beggerers
This most potent of Coriander Conjurers.
How quickly she summons against a boss
The rolling fury that is the Wave of Sauce.
And the true lesson all spammers should know
Is never mess with the Bay Leaf Brujo.
But behind all that power, true kindness
Well tempered by Intrinsic Spiciness.
No longer a noob, this advanced player
Became known as a Sesame Soothsayer.
And when the red curtain rises from the stage
It is only to show us a glorious Marinara Mage.
Monsters and penguins all flee the full gauge
Of a Baby Gravy Fairy wielding Alfredo Archmage
With the knowledge the Icy Peak's clear
Wrapped as she is in a Jabanero Saucesphere.
Yet they all stand there none the wiser
Not expecting from beauty the powerful Saucegeyser,
Yet this is the mysticalness of this ladle wielding do gooder
Better known to all as a full blown Sauceror.

Pastamancer

There was once a newbie fresh to the arts
Of crafting fine pastas; a matter of starch
Well my young friend, this you must find,
The source of oneness, open thy mind.
And he sat there some dry summer's night
This young man, this Dough Acolyte.
He began to study, food was his caller,
And through practice grew into a Yeast Scholar.
He worked quite hard to earn himself meat,
The Minor Ray of Something, was something to beat.
And through many a terrible fight
Was sculpted this Noodle Neophyte.
His opened eyes saw through the doodles
Thus wielding fresh Entangling Noodles.
So he wondered what he might want
As his Mysticality made him a Starch Savant,
He lay all his meat won of endless fighting
To learn eXtreme Ray of Something
And he always had adventures aplenty
Our dear Carbohydrate Cognoscenti.
Now it was growing time to turn the page,
This the evolution of a Spaghetti Sage,
And it was without undue flattery
That he earned his degree in Pastamastery
And as he broke through another partition
He advanced his career to Macaroni Magician
And anyone who would from his dreams sever,
This man did away with the Cone of Whatever.
He carried on in chat his witty banter
While boasting himself as a Vermicelli Enchanter
And though many sought to him purge,
None could do without this Linguini Thaumaturge
Whom wielded beyond any strength of the gourd
The most powerful Weapon of the Pastalord.
And much to the fear of any wise Emperor
Came into his own a true Ravioli Sorcerer.
Then he asked of our clan to become one of us
But we had no need of a Manicotti Magus.,
We were not prepared and should have been kinder
For they came after us, one of many Spaghetti Spellbinder.
We would have done him some harm, we Sages
If he had not summoned his Lasagna Bandages
And with his freshly re-winged Stab bat, Mini,
Much stronger with his Leash of Linguini
Left us so much more the surer
That he was a learned Cannelloni Conjurer.
So we met at last over cups of spumoni
There joined by the Spirit of Rigatoni
To find a truce to the war we'd wage
With the Angel-Hair Archmage.
We argued from midnight to far past noon
Over the source of the Cannelloni Cocoon
To find at our feet like a well balanced dancer
The truest embodiment of a KoL Pastamancer.

Turtle Tamer

Who crawled from the muck like a weak cold fish
But a newbie with a glinting eye and one wish
With much dedication so no detail would miss
He studied a shell, the Patience of the Tortoise.
And chalked full of ire against those who poach
He came to his glory a lowly Toad Coach.
Through the deft hands as a skilled retainer
He moved quickly into the rank of Skink Trainer
He battled one day and was nailed in the gut
Which he learned the useful skill Headbutt.
Those in chat took the stance of protectors
As this hero worked his way among the Frog Directors
And their generous donation of meat to kin
Allowed him to earn the Skin of the Terrapin.
Yet we shall never call this noob a miser
When his colour matched that of a Gecko Supervisor
He spent all his earnings to battle the Trapper
Thanks to his recently acquired Spectral Snapper,
Quite useful a turtle you can be sure
When it comes to aiding a freshly minted Newt Herder.
But crawling around stomach to moss
Is not nearly endearing to a big Frog Boss.
Pray listen now to what I would to you tell
How wandered he so safely in his Ghostly Shell
A true and goodly man, a decent striver
As he lived the well honed life of an Iguana Driver.
It was a good life, requiring hardiness,
What meat earned begot his Armorcraftiness.
Who else this world could sip the sacred Ewer
And survive more flaming than a Salamander Subduer?
It was a limited time within that frame so near
That lives the short life of the Bullfrog Overseer.
Somehow he survived noobs in multitude
In honor of which he learned Reptilian Fortitude,
But from those ill mannered and bad of suit
He gained in heart the Empathy of the Newt.
Which lent strength like night to a thief,
Those Fuzzy Dice and their Rattlesnake Chief.
And soon we come to a delicate fiord
The timorous step of a Crocodile Lord
But beware dear friend, pray remember
The venomous bite of the Cobra Commander
You cannot avoid the ire even though dapper
For you cannot beat the Tenacity of the Snapper.
Even as that snake extends beyond baiters
Into the wild bite of an Alligator Subjugator.
Your still gonna pray so much the faster
Should you cross paths with any Asp Master.
The golden light is still seen in this,
He will learn the Wisdom of the Elder Tortoise
As he contemplates so safe and well
From within his Astral Shell
Yet gentleness is not the disclaimer
Should you cross paths with a Turtle Tamer.

Accordion Thief

Rising from the primordial ooze of sound
Climbs a newbie to a noble path bound
So new and small like a mini hibachi
She must learn first the Moxie of the Mariachi.
Much as the first note is seminal,
So she is welcomed, a Polka Criminal.
A fresh name to battle the fist
She is a Mariachi Larcenist.
Still, she's up beat with liveliness
As she sings Hoojiwat's Hymn of Healthiness
While watching the things that are all in vogue
Planning the next snatch, this Zydeco Rogue.
The lines she composes are amazingly triphthongal
As she Waxes the town with The Moxious Madrigal.
Our musical champagne uncorker
This beautiful song filled Chord Horker,
She is a nearly unmatched celebrity
With Cletus's Canticle of Celerity
But fame in newbie chat she wouldn't brook
To high were the standards of this Chromatic Crook.
So with a moxious step she crossed the quadrille
As is the prerogative of a Squeezebox Scoundrel
Who fills the vast halls of the over Twenty
Playing as she goes the Polka of Plenty
Only wondering who she might have missed
With her skills as a Concertina Con Artist.
Truth be told you can never be sure
If you PvP a Button Box Burglar
For you cannot counter the oddity
Of the influential Magical Mojomuscular Melody
As she finagles for and with
The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith.
If, for some reason we would go again
Against that Hurdy-Gurdy Hooligan
Which only adds to our frustration
As she sings Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption.
In fact there is no end to the manifold grief
Of a Sub-Sub-Apprentice Accordion Thief
Who's deft hands seem almost etheric
With the chortling tune of Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric.
And not even a high leveling moxiousness
Can get through a cantering Psalm of Pointiness.
And should you hear a polka kept very brief,
Beware of the presence of this Sub-Apprentice Accordion Thief
That's all she needs to steal away your fief
And become a Pseudo-Apprentice Accordion Thief.
Should you enter her private chat conversation
You'll face a Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction
So carry your things in many a sheaf
Or it'll be in the hands of a Hemi-Apprentice Accordion Thief
And she'll send you scuttling back to the Orcish sorority
As she sings a rendition of Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority.
She is as quiet as any fresh green leaf
For she's now an Apprentice Accordion Thief
Which means there's no end to the meat you'll lose
As she keeps going thanks to her Ode to Booze.
So I must tell you it's my firm belief
Never mess with a KoL master, the Accordion Thief.

[Osiris]

Wow... Long. :P Nice, though.

[Proto Cloud]

................Those're some long-ass poems