Jokes...can we have jokes here?

[LordXenophon]

An optimist sees a glass that's half full.
A pessimist sees a glass that's half empty.
An engineer sees a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

[Real]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks upfrom is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

"I remember that, too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."

[Nomes]

Originally Posted by Real

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks upfrom is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

"I remember that, too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."

This is a story that my friend Mort had gone through...

WOAH, GO MORT!

[LordXenophon]

Why is a priest's outfit called "vestments" if it doesn't include a vest?

[BoinkBunny]

Know the difference between a civil engineer and a mechanical engineer?

The difference is, the mechanical engineers are building weapons while the civil engineers are building targets.

[LordXenophon]

Q: Why do so many libraries have two lions out front?

A: So people can read between the lions.