Jokes...can we have jokes here?

- A dyslexic walks into a bra...

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-There's two muffins in an oven and one looks over at the other and says, "Man, it's getting hot in here." The other turns and says, "OH, MY GOD IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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-What's worse than a worm in your apple?


The Holocaust.

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-Why can't Helen Keller drive?


Because she's a woman.

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'Ar, 'ar, 'ar. Those jokes kill me.

[BoinkBunny]

Those jokes are killing me, too. Don't you know any funny ones?

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One pub full. One grabs onto the bulb and the rest drink until the room spins.

[the_suicide_forest]

Why do women walk to the bathroom in pairs?

Because they're stapled to the chicken's foot!

[slippers]

lol

[LordXenophon]

If "pro" is the opposite of "con," does that mean "progress" is the opposite of "congress?"

How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and

put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave

them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the

end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them

to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send

them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot

for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut,

Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for

the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and

chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from

rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the

Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign

them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send

them to Marketing.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

[LordXenophon]

Did you know that Ghandi used to walk everywhere barefoot? He walked barefoot over so many miles of rough terrian that he grew very impressive callouses on his feet. Years of hunger strikes left him frail and emaciated, and what little food he did eat was so odd, it gave him bad breath. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

[LordXenophon]

A powerful slave trader tried to run for governor in the latest primaries in Arizona. A tragic scandal brought his bid to a sudden end. He was caught kissing Candi and stealing her baby.

[king of chaos]

why are zombies good at baseball?


They are good at keeping their eye on the ball!


Why did the zombie need a psychaitrist?


After the divorce, he fell to pieces!

[king of chaos]

did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?


he sold his soul to santa!


what are the similarities between JC Penny and Michel Jackson?


They both have little boys pants half off!